Angry Words Hurt

In any relationship, there is always a time where disagreement surfaces. Angry words hurt in any relationship. It leaves a scare in someone’s heart. Break-up, fights or divorce is always a common ending when calmness is not maintained and misunderstanding gets deeper. I have seen cases where couples break up or divorce because none of them wants to listen to each other and both of them insist on what they see and hear are correct. Sad case indeed but it happens every day in real life. Can we prevent it? Yes, but it depends much on you.

1. Take a Deep Breath

Easy to say but hard to do when you are heated up. When it happens, pinch your finger hard, take a very deep breath and hold it for 3 seconds. Then, very slowly let your breath out. Do it at least 3 times. The trick is, as your breath slowly escapes, visualise yourself as a dragon releasing fire from its nostril. If you put your hand underneath your nose, the air coming out should feel extremely hot. Doing deep breathing lowers your body temperature, making you calmer.

2. Go Somewhere Cold

If the air you are breathing in is much colder, it is easier to lower the body temperature of your lung area. You behave more aggressive and impatient when our body is hot and calmer when it is cooler. There is an interesting research conducted on car drivers in humid country like Singapore and in Europe during winter time.

Drivers, during winter in Europe seldom horn when there is a jam. They tend to give way to passengers more than drivers in Singapore. Studies show, it has nothing to do with the law but more on the weather. In cold weather, we tend to be calmer and less frustrated because our body temperature is lower. When you have a heated argument, go into a cooler room with air condition or drink a glass of ice water. It cools you down.


 3. Try to Exercise

Wanting to hit someone hard? Trying to get into a fight or wanting to raise your voice to attract attention? Go out and do some vigorous aerobic exercise for an extended period of time. Step into a gym and vent your frustration on the weight lifting machine or jog for 20 to 30 mins on a treadmill. When you are jogging or doing static cycling, you are reframing your mind to ‘escape’ from the unpleasant moment. You virtually ‘run’ away from it, making the issue looks more distant and small and perhaps insignificant.

Your mind focuses on only one thing – finishing. You sweat it out and you feel the heat leaving your body. Indirectly you vent it out to the environment. It works better if the environment is cooler to absorb your body heat. This is why gym is always fitted with air condition or fan to cool the room temperature down.

4. Step Back and Reframe Your Thought

This is the hardest method. You need a lot of discipline to calm down and examine the world in which you live. Mitigate your frustration by comparing to the less fortunate incidents you read. Compare your frustration with the less fortunate ones like those who lost their lives in air crash (e.g. MH 370), patients dying of cancer before 50 years old and child born without limbs (e.g. Nick Vujicic). Ask yourself, do they deserve such punishment? Are they better off than you now? How big is your problem compared to them? Whatever problem you have, it’s really not a big deal after all.

Reframing your thoughts allows you to see the problem as a small thing, which it is. When we frame problems like this, they become small and solvable. There are far more important things for us to focus. Remind ourselves, retribution befalls to anyone who does the wrong. Why get frustrated over it?

Now you have the 4 ways of calming down. Combine them together as one secret formula and have a good tool to maintain your emotional self-control. There is no definite solution to every problem we encounter be it a relationship or anything else. However, every problem we encounter can be resolved someway. Time and tactics are the best answers.