Wait Before Moving in Together

You bought a re-sale flat and you can’t wait to invite your partner to move in before your marriage. Hang on! Always remember, living together is a major adjustment for your relationship. It tests your abilities to compromise, to tolerate each other's idiosyncrasies, to find your ‘yin and yang’ as a couple and ultimately, it is the arbiter of whether your relationship can survive the stress of shacking up.

Before you dive in, at least do a checklist of the following items. Have you communicated all these items to your partner?  

1. Mutual Agreement

Treat your living together situation as if you were non-romantic roommates. Before you move in together, discuss what living together means. Is it a commitment? Discuss your lifestyles first. If one or both of you have children, who gets to discipline? How will you divide the space? Who pays for the utility bills? How much? You need to know the answers to these questions before you make the move.

2. Find A Solution to A Problem

Couples are recommended to make some agreements about what to do if they don't agree on things, or if things are not working out well. Get someone neutral (it can be his or her friend) as a mediator or counselor to solve things out. This someone must be a person both of you are comfortable and have faith in resolving the issue. Now, you can be really excited about each other and it seems unnecessary. You can still get stuck in an impasse. Appreciate to have a plan in place if you need it.

3. Declare Your Finance

You can be reluctant to tell your spouse your salary expenses or credit card debt, you need to come clean with all financial problems or obligations. It will affect your ability to pay your share of the rent or other household expenses. You need to do this before you move in together. This is important if you are opening a joint bank account or making any large purchase together.

Couple Finance

Unless you are married with the legal protection, do not merge all your money into one account. Now you are feeling optimistic about your future together. If your relationship turns sour one day, there isn’t any law to protect your life savings. Your spouse can clean out your joint account, hit the road, leaving you with a broken heart, a mountain of bills all without a trace.

Keep most of your money in separate accounts. To make paying bills easier, open only one joint bank account and only deposit just enough each month to cover your mutual bills, plus a little extra to avoid bouncing a cheque or credit card bill.

4. Divide Your Housework Chores

Easy to cook a romantic dinner but who clean up the kitchen. Who wash the cups after use since both of you are too tired after a day’s work? Sound familiar? Make a list of everything that needs to be done on a daily, weekly and monthly basis, such as washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, changing the sheets, grocery shopping, paying bills, balancing the checkbook, and taking out the garbage.

A fair division of labor doesn't mean splitting the chores 50-50. Certain tasks can be more demanding than others. Agree on a system and hold up your end of the bargain.

5. Toilet Attendance

It is easy to use the toilets but who should clean the washroom and the toilet? Topics to cover: a regular cleaning schedule, wiping up pee, leaving the seat up or down, and flushing after use. Men are too lazy to lift up the seat cover and women hate it when it is wet with men’s urine around the cover seat. Who compromise who then, if there is only one in the washroom?

Bed Couple

6. Sex Frequency

Psychologist warns one partner is often very surprised to find out that once you've moved in, there's an expectation of daily sex. Talk about how frequently each of you expects to have sex before you move in together. You can end up feeling resentful or even trapped if you are the lower desire partner, or disappointed if you are the higher desire partner. It is imperative that you negotiate these expectations up front.

7. Personal Lifestyle

You are not glue to each other when you stay together. Some partners see it as casual arrangement. They want to keep their lifestyle pretty much status quo. Therefore, before you make the move, discuss on how much time you want to spend with people outside your relationship.

best friends

8. A Limit to Compromise  

Staying together means compromise but in moderation. If you want to paint the kitchen red and he wants to paint it white, then don't paint it yellow. Let him keep the kitchen white but agree that you get to pick the bathroom colors. He hates your fish tank in the living room? Too bad. Let her have her own make up corner with all her perfumes, branded bags and accessories. You get the idea.

If you are ready for all these 8 items, you are all ready to get a set of key for your new flat.